For all the chaos and complexity of the modern world, we live in the safest, most affluent time and place in history. Objectively, this statement is inconvertibly true but misses the mark as a predictor of mental health.
We can tell ourselves we should feel better, be more motivated and in control of our lives, but wishing will not make it so. We need understanding— both of the world and how we might fit into it. We need compassion and validation for our inability to become the person we intend to be.
We need to quell the critical inner voice that prevents us from making changes that could move us in the direction of our choosing. We are metaphorically a deer in the headlights, and we don’t know why.
We are—as Jonathan Haidt aptly named his powerful book—The Anxious Generation.For all advantages of modern life, we need meaning. Meaning (or purpose) is foundational, but as we freed ourselves from the shackles of religion, family, and community for the primacy of ‘me’, we lost ourselves.
The primacy of self as a modern virtue, robs us of the context of our lives—that is, of the people we can depend on, who in turn depend on us. An authentic relationship is not co-dependence, and is more important than 1,000 social media friends. Our few close relationships provide us context and meaning for becoming the best version of ourselves.
The Anxious Generation identifies two concurrent social phenomena that have driven poor mental health into unprecedented crisis territory, particularly for young people. Smart phone and social media usage—seemingly innocuous, but actually addictive—has changed the world in a manner we are still digesting. At the same time, hyper concern for safety at the expense of risk-taking, exploration and play, has flattened drive and motivation. For people who are older, technology makes us irrelevant, negating the concept of becoming wise with age.
Taken together, we are more anxious, depressed, prone to procrastination and rumination and less able to focus or relate, than at any time in history. In our state of poor mental health, we know something is wrong that requires action, but we may feel alone and incapable of finding a solution.
Difficult as it may seem, change is possible. Without minimizing how difficult it is to make lasting change, I’ll quote Christoper Reeve: “So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.”
If we believe change is possible, are willing to be persistent and accept a little help from our friends (and possibly therapists), our chances of success exponentially increase. Persistence is the key word. People seeking to make changes—including or especially addicts--often do not succeed. I consciously chose the phrasing ‘do not succeed’ instead of ‘fail’ because until we are no longer persistent and have quit trying, recovery and personal transformation remains possible. It is astonishing what can happen with a sense of purpose and application of personal grit over time.
I am interested in hearing and understanding your story, and whatever your circumstances, you deserve compassion. Most people—whether succeeding or falling short of their best version of self—are trying, and deserve some credit.
Still, it will not help you to have behaviours validated if they are leading to self-injurious, negative outcomes. Compassion and validation are important, but psychotherapy is about the client and not the therapist, and may require challenging negative or destructive behaviours.
I am a solution-based psychotherapist. The impossibility of change cannot move to improbable or evolve into inevitable without a plan. My mission is to understand you, to understand the problem, to work out a feasible plan, and with a sense of meaning and purpose, persistence and drive, apply the plan towards achieving outcomes that work for you.
A major theme of modern life—reflected in ever worsening mental health statistics—is that people feel overwhelmed and helpless. Consequently, our most effective action is to reclaim agency and take incremental, intentional steps towards successful implementation of a plan. Experiencing a sense of accomplishment is valuable; what it can do for your life is invaluable. Cliché as it may be, achieving the best version of yourself is priceless.
While a single session may be worthwhile, I recommend that people consider committing to a counselling of process of about six sessions—to be evaluated together. You do not want to be a bit-player in the still unwritten story of you life. Commitment is key.
Larry McCloskey
December 1st, 2024
Tina Woods, Registered Psychotherapist, MEd
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family of nine and exorcised and exercised my angst by distance running competitively for 30 years. During these years I also worked as Director of the Paul Menton Centre for Students with Disabilities. Both experiences taught me the necessity of humility, gratitude and the need for humour to get us through the many vicissitudes of life. I have given many writing workshops to adults and young adults of all ages and levels of maturity. Most recently I have given talks about some of the issues raised in Inarticulate Speech of the Heart— meaning, scientific materialism versus spirituality, the nature of consciousness.